Time out for 2yr olds? & a few other ???'s

[nctwinmom]

Ok, so I know we really need to buckle down and start some discipline and add even more routine to our lives. But Time out completely evades me since they won't sit still. I would love some advice here.

Also, Dinner time has become a nightmare since introducing the new "hook-on" chairs. Its ok for like 5 mins but then they try to climb out and what not. Its terrifying to us largely because the table itself is on its last legs (new one coming soon). That and I would love to have them use plate and bowls but right off the table seems easier (less of a mess) how do we get them to not dump their plates or cups.


And....I am really hoping to move onto regular cups/juice boxes. But those are such a disaster. I really could use any suggestions here.
thanks!

[Rudy]

I can't figure out time out at this age either. I'm not so good at it.

Can you strap them in those chairs? My kids climb out of their chair sometimes too and have even fallen. Seem to have survived. I think you just need to sit by them and prevent them from climbing out or take them out for 5-10 minute when they try to climb out and they'll learn. Mine do pretty well now.

Same thing for plates. You just have to sit next to them and prevent them from over turning them. End the meal if they throw them on the floor. The thing that helped us the most was teaching them to hand us the plate when they were all done. If they talk you can teach them to say 'All done' Mine don't talk yet. We react very enthusastically when they do this. They need something to do with that plate or they throw it. Mine have had plates for a long time now - before we switched to the table so I don't know if it will be easier or harder now that they are at the table. They'll get it eventually so don't sweat it.

Mine can use open cups but they play in it. One more then the other - he is always making a mess. If I can't sit right next to them I give them one of those take-n-toss sippies with a straw in it. They can't get the lid off but the straw is a lot easier to drink out of then a standard sippy cup. Mr. Mess will still play if it gets the chance. He puts food on the table, shakes the cup and shakes water out, or spits water into it, and then slaps it - sending food flying :mad: He is smart enough to do that at the meals I don't sit next to him.

Summer is going to be nice. Let them eat outside at a picnic table with open cups and plates. They can make a mess and it isn't so stressful.

[nctwinmom]

I didn't consider the advantage to better weather. Thank you for that. I think we also need to find consistancy here, both DH and I were raised with a swat on the hand or tush and I have noticed his mother is the same with the twins and Frankly I think there is a much better way to address most issues. MIL is here often so DH and I need to come together and agree in my eyes to a no hit policy. I have to believe that if we hit they too will hit. HOwever when it comes to an extremely dangers situation (grabbing at the stove or over) my almost without thinking reaction is a stern no and a swat on the hand. but I don't see any of that sinking in so I fear that we are teaching them fear verses discipline and respect. I am their primary caregiver so I need to just deal with the rules I set so others will follow (versus giving in when its convenient for me)
Sometimes I swear I need SuperNanny.:snicker:

[Mom of 5]

My twins didn't quite get the concept of time out until they were almost three. More effefctive, for two-year-olds, was looking them in the eyes while picking them up and removing them from the situation and telling in them firmly (without yelling) that you expect them to {stayback from the stove} {not hit your brother} {play gently with toys and not throw them} {etc.}

Open cups: If messes bother you, forget it! My twins (now 4) still have a sippy cup, unless they're sitting at the table. Spilled drinks aggravate me, so I waited until their fine motor coordination had developed better before giving them open cups (after age 3!)

I second everything that Rudy said. Also, use plastic plates only, and strap them tightly enough in the chairs so they can't wiggle out.

[Ma Kettle]

Ditto all of the above.

Many different things work if you are consistent. That is the most important discipline tip I could ever give! Always be consistent. Choose and method and stick to it for a few weeks without giving up.

Tell them the rules upfront and do NOT stray from them! If a rule is all meals are eaten at the table then NO food at ALL goes in the other room until that habit is firmly established. There should be no 'well, just this once's.

And don't ever make idle threats. If you don't intend to send every toy they own to the salvation army don't SAY it. When it doesn't follow through your kids lose respect for you. If you say 'if you throw that food I will take your plate away' and he throws food TAKE AWAY THE PLATE. Don't just move it. Take it to the trash and scrape it then put the plate in the sink. It's GONE. Then go back to your own meal (eating quickly of course because he's about to get VERY angry!) But don't back down.

We have a house rule here that everyone sits at the table until an adult is finished and has pushed away the plate. Even one who lost his plate remains until an adult is finished.

[nctwinmom]

Wow> really really good ideas ladies! :goodpost:
:thankyou: Now I just have to get it through to all the other adults in their lives. Especially the grandmothers who seem to think my "rules" are silly and of course they didn't do it that way. They didn't have twins either and both mine and DH's mom only have the two of us. I get so angry when I hear dh "wasnt like that as a child they must get it from you". Admittedly he was a more Spare the Rod and I more Spoil the child growing up but I was also well behaved. Behaved enough that my grandparents took me to Hawaii @ age 10and had people on the tour tell them they would have taken their grandkids too if they behave 1/2 as well as me. Yes, DH is very well mannered, proper * as all good privat school boys are, in their parents eyes* but twins are such a different animal than singletons. I don't think they really get how well they work together.

[hutile]

Ditto all of the above.

Many different things work if you are consistent. That is the most important discipline tip I could ever give! Always be consistent. Choose and method and stick to it for a few weeks without giving up.

Tell them the rules upfront and do NOT stray from them! If a rule is all meals are eaten at the table then NO food at ALL goes in the other room until that habit is firmly established. There should be no 'well, just this once's.

And don't ever make idle threats. If you don't intend to send every toy they own to the salvation army don't SAY it. When it doesn't follow through your kids lose respect for you. If you say 'if you throw that food I will take your plate away' and he throws food TAKE AWAY THE PLATE. Don't just move it. Take it to the trash and scrape it then put the plate in the sink. It's GONE. Then go back to your own meal (eating quickly of course because he's about to get VERY angry!) But don't back down.

We have a house rule here that everyone sits at the table until an adult is finished and has pushed away the plate. Even one who lost his plate remains until an adult is finished.

Ditto, ditto - you got all the good suggestions.

I know "if" mine play with the plate or try to turn it over and throw food I tak eit away. I excuse them from the table and tell them to come back when they are ready to eat. Well it's boring being the only one who's not eating, so they come back soon.

Accidents happen with the cups, but I only fill the with about 3/4 inch of juice at dinner. I know it means more cup filling for me, but I'd rather do that then clean up the table & carpets.

Have you tried just using a regular chair yet? I know when I took the twins out of the booster their behaivor got alittle better. They thought they were "big" now. If they got down from the chiar I moved their plate away from thei spot. When they returned their food wasn't there. They'd question it and I'd remind them that they left, "I thought you were done"... I'd give it back but it worked...

Just keep trying .... moved of it is just a phase...

[Ma Kettle]

Wanted to add also....

time-outs don't have to be sitting immobile on a chair. It can be on a mat on the floor with room to roll around on and have a tantrum with the expectation being that they not leave the mat. Not that they sit still.

If you have a hallway that is empty and the mat is not sufficient then time-out could be 2 minutes in the hall with the expectation being they will remain in the hall for 2 minutes. You don't place any expectations on them that you don't intend to follow through on. If you know he won't sit still don't require him to sit quietly in one spot. Give him the hall to himself with room to accomodate him stomping and tantruming. Don't ENCOURAGE that behavior of course, just be prepared for it and make his requirements attainable. Gradually he'll become better able to control his actions and the space required will get smaller.

There is not one-size-fits-all time out solution. Even within the same family we have different types of time-outs for each of the kids depending on their temperment and abilities.

The key is success. Make the first attempt attainable goals. Then gradually make them have to work just a little harder to reach them.

[nctwinmom]

:thankyou: I try the eye contact thing but it seems to freak them out and they laugh and look way or lean in for a kiss, cute but not what I was going for. But I have been following through better (see its me not them that has the problem) and it seems to slowely be working. WE shall see. I'm still working on the TO spot we have no real good location but I'm really thinking about it. The plates seem to be working better and better each try so that in itself is an improvement. I've just decided they get one chance after they pick up their plate to finish their meal after theat they are done. The problem for us is we use those Chicco Hook on Chairs and they can squeeze right out of the straps when they are done, that seems to be our biggest problem and often the wiggling isnt too get out but to sit on their knees. I can't help but wonder if when we have a decent kitchen table and chairs soon if we should just go for the big kid chairs and let them sit on their knees to reach the table if they want.

Thanks again. I'm always open to new ideas.

[Ma Kettle]

:thankyou: I try the eye contact thing but it seems to freak them out and they laugh and look way or lean in for a kiss, cute but not what I was going for. But I have been following through better (see its me not them that has the problem) and it seems to slowely be working. WE shall see. I'm still working on the TO spot we have no real good location but I'm really thinking about it. The plates seem to be working better and better each try so that in itself is an improvement. I've just decided they get one chance after they pick up their plate to finish their meal after theat they are done. The problem for us is we use those Chicco Hook on Chairs and they can squeeze right out of the straps when they are done, that seems to be our biggest problem and often the wiggling isnt too get out but to sit on their knees. I can't help but wonder if when we have a decent kitchen table and chairs soon if we should just go for the big kid chairs and let them sit on their knees to reach the table if they want.

Thanks again. I'm always open to new ideas.

Ours sit on big kid chairs on their knees. They prefer it and I don't have to worry about booster seats slipping off or ruining the chairs.