I Hate You Mommy..

[jeanie]

well well..my little nicky has learned a few new words..the ones above. Do you all really think he knows what he is saying..he will be three in june..what do you think ma k? I tell him I will wash his mouth out with soap (I wouldnt you know) and that he will go into the naughty cornor if he continues these bad words..any I hate you mommy kids out there?

[Ma Kettle]

It's unlikely he knows what it means. He probably heard someone else say it and just repeated it when he got angry.

ahem... don't make promises you can't/won't keep. If you have no intentions of washing his mouth out with soap then don't threaten it.

I don't allow the word hate in our house. Not for anything. Not even something as benign as I hate brussell sprouts. Hate is an emotion that is in it's own category. It's an ugly, ugly emotion that most people will never feel in their lives.

I would take a moment to ask him if he knows what the word hate means. He likely doesn't have an answer. Then inform him that until he has an answer he's not to say it again. And then move on. He needs to be given more acceptable words that he CAN use.

He was angry with you over something I presume. It should be acknowledged and repeated back to him. 'I understand that you wanted to keep playing with that toy. You are sad that you had to put it away. You are angry that I made you do it. You don't think it's fair. You don't want to go to bed. I know it's hard sometimes. But everyone needs sleep to be healthy and it's my job to teach you and remind you. After we sleep we can wake up well rested and play for a whole nother day.' Next time he gets angry he can say 'I'm angry with you' instead of I hate you.

[Steph211]

:goodpost: Ditto to everything Ma Kettle just said.

I might just amend the explanation part at the end. Brief is better and more likely to sink in. Actually, I just reread the post and think Ma gave you a list of examples for various situations. Excellent!

No, he definitely doesn't hate you. And I wouldn't bother arguing about it. "We don't use that word in this house." If he persists, stick him in the "naughty corner" right away (he doesn't need warnings, etc. It should be automatic and immediate) and don't enter into a debate about it or let the "discussion" escalate.

Ah, remember how we longed for them to express their first words? :rolleyes:

[grapeapeaf]

I agree with both PP-my daughter said this the other day. I was a bit surprised but I asked her if she knew that saying that can hurt someone-it is ok to be upset, even angry but never ok to hurt someone. She seemed to understand somewhat-it is a phrase that I don't approve of in our house, but I know that my approval doesn't stop them from learning all the happy phrases out there! Probably won't be the worst thing my daughter ever says!

[Rudy]

I don't think he understands it.

I'm a little different from the pp's in that at his age I'd probably just ignore it. If he really keeps it up then have a discussion about it being hurtful. My 'intense' son said it when he was old enough to know exactly what it meant. I would often say "I know you are really upset right now. I love you." Then he would say "I hate you and I love you." I worked at teaching him different words other then hate. That actually worked pretty good. He's still mouthy though. :sigh: Now he calls me mean.

[jeanie]

i asked him last nigth what it means and he said "it means I dont love you" ooh that hurt..so he does no what it means..I gave him alot of other words to use and tell me how he feels so today he hasnt said the h word as of yet..

[Ma Kettle]

But does he know what love means? He might realize hate is the opposite of love but understanding it is a much more mature concept. For kids hate is the equivilent of not being happy with someone or something. Because 'love' means they make you happy.

You see what the difference is? Kids think much different than adults. He may say it means he doesn't love you but what is his definition of love?

Making me happy. Doing things for me. Hugging me.

So the opposite is I'm not happy, I don't want to do it, I don't want a hug.