Should I tell my friend..

[jeanie]

ok moms and dads my friends girl is 4 She speaks at home just great..she chats laughs does all the 4 year old speech things shes suppose to do...AT HOME ONLY according to my friend and her preschool teacher...the teacher says she whispers and looks away when spoken too..and this little sweet girl will barely give me a look of any kind or an answer when spoken too. so tonight i see on tv SELECTIVE MUTEISM...when a child cant speak any place but at home or in front of certain people..bingo I say to myself~!~~~ but i dont know if I should mention it to my friend~ yikes could be risky what do you think...

[SCMamaBear]

I would just mention it in passing ("SweetiePie seems a little shy in this situation"). I don't know that I'd make too much of it, though; the child might not feel comfortable talking to others.

[Mammabear07]

I was the same way as a child. There was nothing wrong with me except I was painfully shy. I barely spoke to my own mother, I only spoke to my Daddy, my little sister & my Granny everybody else terrified me. I also know a friend's daughter who was the same way as a child but now as a teen is very popular.
Could your friend's daughter just be shy? If she is then eventually she will outgrow it for the most part especially if they get her involved in more activities around more kids & people.

[Steph211]

I'm not sure I would say anything. Just because you saw a tv show about selective mutism, does not qualify you to diagnose it. It's really up to the mom, the teacher, the pediatrician etc. to deal with. You could try mentioning how shy the daughter is, but put yourself in your friend's shoes. That could come across as a criticism. "Wow, she's really shy, isn't she?" fits in the same category as "Gee, she sure has a healthy appetite" and "My, what an active girl, she really just can't sit still, huh?" How would you feel if someone said that about your child?

I know you only have the best interests of you friend and her child at heart, but tread carefully. The mom is likely well aware of her child's shyness and may not respond well to your comments on it.

[jeanie]

thanks ladies..the mom actually asked me what i thought..and that same night I saw the show.

[Mom of 5]

thanks ladies..the mom actually asked me what i thought..and that same night I saw the show.
Jean, since the mom asked for your thoughts, do tell her about the show you just saw. Maybe she's never heard of selective mutism. It doesn't mean you're making a diagnosis; just telling her you listened to some information on TV that might be similar.