Is your hubby the other child?

[jeanie]

thanks for all your replies.

[Ma Kettle]

:damnmate:

I hope you left the old cushions on the SOFA for him to sleep with.

[rockin_grandma]

:damnmate:

I hope you left the old cushions on the SOFA for him to sleep with.

:dito:

[jeanie]

Im not speaking to him until i get an apology and he can make his own dinner.

[Larkynsmommy]

They all are at times. :rant:

[jeanie]

no apology or anything yet girls..we are not speaking..three days now. Im not going to let this go Ive let too many things go in the past for the sake of not wanting to be mad anymore..this time I just cant let it go.

[JODAANJA2pj]

Oh YES my hubby is my 5th child, and I tell everyone that! I HATE it when he repeats things I say back to me, but from his POV.....Make sure you hold your ground otherwise he'll never learn. DH and I have had similar fights, one very recently...although I always love him there are times I REALLY HATE him, especially when he acts like your DH did. I have gone several days without speaking to him (I am civil for the kids sake but NO real conversations) and have even slept on the couch ( I tell the kids I fell asleep watching TV). He has FINALLY started to understand that he can't act like he's a kid still and treat me the way he used to treat his mother.


Let me guess......was DH spoiled by his mom?

[meems1965]

Jeannie usually my hubby is not like this but last night he came home and was like a lunatic. He had called me on the way home from work and asked how i was doing. I was cleanig up stains on the floor, doing laundry trying to get the purple lip gloss out of the new duvet cover, and the boys were throwing glass votive candles. So that is what I told him. He gets home and he is boiling mad because he works so hard that he doesnt need this! Well I work hard and I dont need it either but I have no one to tell it to. So he obviously doesnt want me to tell him the truth of what it is like at home. It is really hard. He left for a flight today and didnt apologize and I know he will not apologize. I didnt sleep last nite but I sure could hear his snoring. I am so tired today and the kids have been so bad. Sometimes I really dont know how much longer I can go on. You and I have talked about this before. It is so hard with these little ones no matter how much you love them. I would walk in front of a bus for these little guys but MAN do they drive me crazy daily. Then I dont want to be complaining to friends around here, so I dont. So who else to tell? I mean, he did ASK. I guess I am supposed to keep it inside and protect him.

I think they have bad days at work and then they come home and something can set them off. THe cushions thing was pretty ridiculous. But I will tell you , last nite, same thing... I had opened a bottle of wine and I made chili thinking we could sit and talk but then he comes in with this tirade.

I wish I had some advice for you but I have absolutely NONE. All I can say is I can relate to your story and offer you HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jeanie]

my dh was so enabled by his mother and spoiled rotton getting away with everything..he was so spoiled as a little child that he grew up to be a hard to handle teen mouthy, you name it and she allowed it she even tells him "you were alot harder than your brother on me" now wonder why he treats me like crap could it be he is mad at his mother? hmmmmmm...and he wont stand up to his mother today about issues..so I pay for it.

[JODAANJA2pj]

Sometimes it's just nice to know that your not alone! Meems my DH did almost the exact same thing to me on Tuesday night. We were eating at the supper table, the whole family, and he asked how my day went. I started to tell him that the kids were awful and that I eventually lost my temper around 3 p.m. and started yelling.....before I could finish he pursed his lips, shook his head, cast his eye's down, and said "mmm....that's not healthy now is it?" !!! What an ahole...he ASKED and then he wants to judge.....needless to say I refused to continue to tell him how the day went and have told him I will no longer share my dare if he can't listen without judging first. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong so he won't apologize.

I agree too that there is no one around to talk to, and feel for both of you when it comes to soundly sleeping Dh's while we stare at the ceiling wondering what to do.


Amazing how a mother spoiling her son has such a lasting affect on the rest of his life!!!

[meems1965]

JODAANJA2pj -

I know - - it is really hard. I dont think even other moms who only have one kid even understand. I really think having multiples and then having more on top of that, well... its just too hard to handle sometimes. I feel like when he calls, I should just say "fine." but then I think, that is not fair to us, is it? I mean, who do we have to talk to? You dont want to say this to your neighbor or even friends sometimes. I feel like no one wants to hear me complain! Plus you have a front you put up a lot of the times so that people dont know your business. so it is good to at least have your husband to vent to but i think by the time they come home from work, they are tired too. my DH does help a lot around the house so i think that is why he got so mad. he had a really bad day at work. well he never apologized. he is flying back tonight and i know i wont get an apology. he called last night and acted like nothing is wrong.! I really dont know what to do... vent to make myself feel better and pay the consequences because why should I protect him? Or keep it bottled up inside to avoid any issues. There is no right answer.

[meems1965]

Hey Dawn
I have a question for you. So you have a 5 year old and 3 year old twin boys. I have 4 yr old b/g twins and a 2 year old boy. How did you and how do you deal with them fighting over toys? this seems like a silly simple question but that is much of my problem during the day.

We have a train table and the 4 yr old boy sets up his trains. then the 2 yr old breaks them. Or my 4 yr old girl sets up her dollhouse and the 2 yr old wrecks it. Everyone is screaming and crying.

If I try to separate them it doesnt work because the two year old doesnt understand. he just cries and even though I have door knob locks on his door, he just breaks it apart and comes out anyway. If I keep putting him in his room, he cries but he doesnt get it. So I dont think that is the best discipline for him. I try time outs but then he will still go back and do the "wreckage" again. I just think since he just turned two , he just doesnt get it yet.

Do you think it is any easier a year later? Since yours are 3 and 5?

Do you have any advice on how to handle these types of situations? !!

[JODAANJA2pj]

Meems -

I hear Ya!!! We used to have those issues too, but then when the boys hit 2 we started buying 3 of each toy ...like at Christmas time and Easter. That pretty much eliminated most of the fighting. Most of the toys we buy are more age appropriate for the 5 yr old, but the twinkies catch on pretty quick...which IMO is good for them. BUT I have 3 boys, you have a girl in the mix so that doesn complicate things more for you. I also worked big time on sharing....really really praising up the child who offered to share a toy. Which made the others want to share too. Jack (5) does have his own toys but he has to share them with his brothers...for atleast a few minutes...and we let him "supervise" that way he feels included and the toys don't get broken. My DD is 12 and still has some toys that the boys are not allowed to touch, like her American Girls, so when she wants to play with those (which means combing and dressing mainly) she does so in her room with her door locked. We use barrel bolt locks on the doors, high up, so the boys can't break the locks and get in.

I guess the biggest help was just buying 3 of everything when we could.....or 3 like things.

Hope that helps a little.

DH and I had a long talk last night about being able to talk to one another about our day. I told him that I didn't think it was good that he could unload his day on me, judgement free, but I couldn't do the same to him. I told him I didn't think it was healthy for me not to be able to tell him what's going on for fear of him judging me. I told him I really have no one else to talk to you, and that I should be able to talk to him and that he needed to see that. I used a few "what if's" too....like what if he told me something that happened at work and I started putting him down because I felt he made the wrong decision. We talked for awhile and it did help.......it started when I finaly broke down and told him he hurt my feelings...and then we started talking.

I've come to the conlusion that men are stupid and insensitive and that unless I TELL my DH how I feel he has absolutley no clue. I swear they need to teach sensitivity to boys in high school...maybe during shop class or something....sure would make life alot easier later on!

[jeanie]

I finally emailed my dh after four days of no talking..he didnt even think he did anything that was mean can you believe it!!! he said he doesnt remember anything about throwing a cushion..hmmm selective memory..so I just decided to go on with life as usual and use some techniques you all told me of when he decides to be one of the children~.

[Mom of 5]

Jean, kudos to you for breaking the ice and emailing him. Sometimes putting your feelings in writing is the best way to go. Sorry to hear he didn't even realize he'd done something that hurt you! :aww:

Next time he does something careless, I would tell him "That wasn't very nice" (as though he were one of the children), right then and there, so you won't have your feelings hurt for days, without him knowing why. (((HUG)))

I'm glad it turned out okay!