Playdates, what do you do if...

[pigletfan]

Okay, so my oldest sister brought over her 2 little boys. 2 and 4. (Her sitter was sick, and we don't get to see them that often.)

While they were here my 4yr old nephew got into my curio and pulled out one of my hubby's collectable cars. (I was in the bathroom helping out Andrew and Jacob was watching a movie) When I realized that one of the cars was out I asked my boys if they did it, they said no. I asked my nephew Adam and he said Andrew did it. I know Adam was lying. I asked him again and he said Jacob did it. Then I asked him one more time and he said the 2yr old did it. I told Adam that if he wants to come over again, he doesn't touch anything that's mine without asking. What bothers me is that my sister just said "Adam we don't lie and get into Auntie's things." I would have put my boys on a time out or something. She didn't do anything. Now, my sisters and I have a very close relationship, but I was stumped.

So, after all this rambling, what would you moms who do frequent playdates do if a child that wasn't yours lied to you?

(The OLNY things in my house that are off limits to the kids are my curios [I have some very sentimental things in them, plus they have a lot of glass in them, and I don't want anyone hurt])

[barbiegirl]

I would probablt get aggravated but I frequently put my foot into my mouth when things like this happen. I think "oh my child will never" and I end up eating those words.....many times. I wouldn't overthink it. Children start to make things up at a certain age. It is probably just a stage.


*** I need to think of this advice next time for myself. ;) ****

[Steph211]

I think the boy's reaction was very normal. I don't think kids that age really understand the concept of lying and dishonesty. There was an article in a recent issue of Parents or Parenting or something that described how preschoolers imaginations are so strong that because they want something they think it actually happened. So in this case, he wanted someone else to be the culprit and so when he's "lying" really he's just giving you his take on the situation. Does that make sense?

I guess I don't think that the situation warranted a time out. Hopefully his mom will review the rules with him about not touching certain things and also how it's important to tell the truth (he may or may not really get that now, but it's still worth the discussion). Also consider the kid's point of view. He saw "toy cars", not "glass collectibles." I'm not sure a 4 year old would know the difference. In his mind he might be freaked out that you're upset when he played with cars (him not being able to differentiate between toys and collectibles).

Just my :2cents:

[Mom of 5]

I guess I don't think that the situation warranted a time out. Hopefully his mom will review the rules with him about not touching certain things and also how it's important to tell the truth (he may or may not really get that now, but it's still worth the discussion). Also consider the kid's point of view. He saw "toy cars", not "glass collectibles." I'm not sure a 4 year old would know the difference. In his mind he might be freaked out that you're upset when he played with cars (him not being able to differentiate between toys and collectibles).
:nod:
I would let it go.

All kids are different. Since your nephew is someone close to you, I would talk to him briefly about why those cars are different than other non-motorized "toy" vehicles. It's not an easy concept for a 4-year-old.

Please don't give him the message that he might not be able to come over again because of this. My almost 4-year-old DS feels guilty and sad right now becuase my DD (age 20, and 430 miles away) communicated to him that he might not be allowed to come back to her house, because he touched things there that he should have left alone.

[Rudy]

I agree with the others about the lieing. Don't ever ask a kid what they did if you already know ;) I would however, reinforce the rules that those cabinets are off limits. You can tell him that each time he comes, in front of your sister. :snicker:

[MomofJ&J]

I think the boy's reaction was very normal. I don't think kids that age really understand the concept of lying and dishonesty. There was an article in a recent issue of Parents or Parenting or something that described how preschoolers imaginations are so strong that because they want something they think it actually happened. So in this case, he wanted someone else to be the culprit and so when he's "lying" really he's just giving you his take on the situation. Does that make sense?

I guess I don't think that the situation warranted a time out. Hopefully his mom will review the rules with him about not touching certain things and also how it's important to tell the truth (he may or may not really get that now, but it's still worth the discussion). Also consider the kid's point of view. He saw "toy cars", not "glass collectibles." I'm not sure a 4 year old would know the difference. In his mind he might be freaked out that you're upset when he played with cars (him not being able to differentiate between toys and collectibles).

Just my :2cents:

:goodpost: this is exactly what i was going to say. personally i make sure i put things away and out of sight before kids come over if i dont want them touching things so i don't have to worry about it. Kids are curious, so it's best to avoid the temptation IMO.

I think just asking him not to touch things without asking is fine b/c of his age. That is probably what I would have done. After that I would have let it go. Just make sure your things are put away from now on when he comes over or lock things up, or just keep an eye on him. You could always ask your sister to please not let him touch those things.

[maryjane]

I think you shouldn't have asked him who did it in the first place if especially if you knew it was him. You can't expect a child that age to tell the truth about something like that. I would have put the cars away and reminded all the kids there that they were off limits and then moved on. I think your sister did the right thing by reinforcing that he shouldn't touch your things.

[pigletfan]

Thanks for all the input. I actually forgot that I posted this thread. i love my nephews and of course they'll be coming over. I didn't realize that he probably wouldn't be able to differentiate the collectables from the regular toy cars. I guess because my boys don't try to get them out. Unfortunately I have no way to put the cars away when he comes over again, but I will tell him that they are off limits.
Thanks again.