My babies are in the NICU :(

[jessiealonzo]

12/08/07- well last night i found out that the d/c'd the caffeine! YAY. We are on a countdown now....if they can go 7 days w/out any apnea/bradys they can come home on FRIDAY! YAY. I call 2xs a day and visit once- b/c I can't drive myself yet. Yet, they never told me that they d/c'd it on Thursday! I am going to have to start reading their charts myself just to find out things like this....anyway I am super happy!:)

Well, I was on the pregnant w/ twins board alot...but now I have moved over here....

My b/g twins were born 11/27. I was 31.5 wks. My daughter, Gabrielle, was born naturally but her brother, Daniel, refused to come out and due to dropping heart rate was born by emergency c-sect.

Gabrielle weighed 3 lbs. 7.5 oz and Daniel 3 lbs 9.8 oz. Both are in the NICU now. Daniel was on a CPAP- but that was gone the first day- both are off O2, and the bili-lights. Both are being fed by gavage (gosh...the medical terms one learns from 5 days of NICU visiting!) right now.

They have had occassional apnea issues...but otherwise are doing well according to the nurses. I know that they need to be there...but I just want to grab them and take them home. They aren't on any type of intervention- only the feeding and then monitors.

Just looking for some other mommies who understand why I wake up at 3 am crying my eyes out. My family is supportive- but cannot understand.

I feel like these aren't even my kids- KWIM? Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my babies with all my heart. But I bonded soooo much with my older daughter in the first days of her life and I didn't even get to TOUCH these babies until they were 2 days old! How do/did you all handle this? Am I the only one who feels this way? I don't want to lose on on bonding with my babies. I want them to love me...not some stranger who changes their diapers, feds them, etc..

I guess I am hoping for words of wisdom from mommies who are there or have been there. THANKS

[20weekSurprise]

I have no idea what you're going through... but I just wanted to send you some :grouphugg

I hope and :pray: that those babies of yours are home soon and in mama's arms. :love:

[DoubleDuty]

Will and Jake were born at 24 weeks.
They are healthy, thriving 3 1/2 year olds now.

This too shall pass... it's very hard while you're in the thick of it... hang in there things will get better.

PM me any time...

[capper]

Just wanted to throw out a little more support. It's totally normal to have that "are these really my kids?" feeling. It is very hard when you can't hold, cuddle and feed them in these early days.

My kids were 27 weekers. They turned 3 last month and are, as far as we can tell, totally healthy, normal kids. You'll get through this.

:hug:

[mymarvins]

First off, congratulations!
Now, :grouphugg
It's normal to cry...a lot. Anytime I wasn't with my girls, I was crying. It helped me to have pictures of them, so I could "see" them. When I was at home for the night to rest, I called the hospital when I got up to pump to check on them. I spent all day, everyday with them until my DH would take me home to rest.

To feel closer/bonded to my girls, it helped for me to hold them for what is called kangaroo care. Your babies are skin to skin with you and you are all wrapped up in a blanket with them. Kangaroo care also helps your babies to regulate their breathing, heartrates, and body temperature.

I also did their cares....diaper changes, temperature checks, feedings, etc. At first, it was gavage feeding. Then when they were able to, EBM from a bottle. Toward the end of their stay they would let me trial them for very short periods of time with them at my breast (about 5 minutes, or less if they seemed to get too tired), and then finish with the bottle.

Try to involve yourself in as much of the cares as possible, and hold your babies every chance you get. They "know" who you are, what you smell like, what you sound like. No nurse can take your place and give the love that comes only from thier mom.

Good luck. I hope their NICU stay is an uneventful one and they are able to go home ASAP.
Congratulations again.

[Joy Nana]

Congratulations, and I'm sorry at the same time! It really does sound like they're doing pretty well, they'll be home with in no time! Can you post a picture for us? I love those little tiny baby pictures!

[RIMA]

My girls were 29 1/2 weekers and are 3 1/2 very healthy little girls now.

Cry all you want, I cried every day.
we were able to tape ourselves reading stories and singing songs to the girls and they would playi t in their isolette when we could not be there.

Give yourself time they will bond with you.


Congratulations. Sounds like they are doing great. Apnea and brady episodes are normal in the NICU difficult but normal
Any questions please just ask.

[MegMommy2E&C]

Sending you hugs and strength. Hang in there. You will make it through this.

[Prayfor2]

My daughter had nicu time due to her small size and my son did not. I totally know what you are talking about bonding quicker with a baby that you can hold/have all the time than a baby who needs some extra care to be ready to come home.
It is also tougher to bond with 2 babies at once than 1 at a time.
Remember, these are YOUR babies, not the nurses and doctors. Think of them as the best babysitters that money can buy when you are not there. You should be able to ask to do as many cares as possible when you are there. If something bothers you then bring it up to the head nurse in charge.

Anyway - CONGRATULATIONS on your babies! They will be home before you know it and they grow soooooo fast!
It is normal to cry a lot too - but keep an eye on post partum depression too. I was a snotty mess leaving Celia in the nicu and going home with nicholas. Cry when you need to. But use this time to heal, eat and sleep when you are not at the nicu because you will be full-time mommy when they come home.
:) It will be alright :)

[Jace0828]

Just looking for some other mommies who understand why I wake up at 3 am crying my eyes out. My family is supportive- but cannot understand.

I feel like these aren't even my kids- KWIM? Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my babies with all my heart. But I bonded soooo much with my older daughter in the first days of her life and I didn't even get to TOUCH these babies until they were 2 days old! How do/did you all handle this? Am I the only one who feels this way? I don't want to lose on on bonding with my babies. I want them to love me...not some stranger who changes their diapers, feds them, etc..

I guess I am hoping for words of wisdom from mommies who are there or have been there. THANKS


I totally get where your coming from and I understand every bit of your emotions. I remebered when my MIL told me once while I was visiting the boys in the NICU that I looked like I didn't care about them but it wasn't that. I felt like one minute I was pregnant with them and the next minute they were in incubators and I wasn't allowed to hold nor touch them until I was told to do so. I felt like my kid's where ripped away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. To this day I still feel like they aren't mine but am still hoping for that bond with them and I know it will come. Hang in there (((hugs))))

[MomofJ&J]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to offer my support. You will get through this. Hang in there. You can come here and vent any time. :grouphugg

[4my5guys]

First, Congrats on those babies! Second, I think what you are feeling is very normal. I don't know if I was just having a hard time bonding or if I was affraid to bond with my babies for fear of something happening to them. I called their nurses when ever I had to go home. The first time I was able to do Kangaroo Care was Heaven on earth. It was just wonderful to have them both with me "like the good ol days" when i was still pregnant. Ask when you can try that, it was very reassuring for me. It sounds like they are doing good, and hopefully their NICU time will pass quickly and uneventfully.

[jessiealonzo]

Thanks for the kind words (and words of wisdom!).

My babies have been transferred to the NICU intermediate nursery- apparently this is a good thing. This was last night and I found out this a.m. So I haven't been able to visit yet.

They are off the O2, keeing their temp up, and no apnea issues for a day or so. All they have is the feeding tubes :)

YAY!

[nostawt]

Your first post sounded almost word for word what I experienced when my boys were born at 33 wks 4 days. It is a truly unique feeling to be your children's mother and to want desperately to connect and yet to feel strangely inept and disconnected as they are in the NICU. It will pass. Your children will of course love and bond with you but it is true it is hard right now. Remember you have had a lot of changes with your body as well and the post pregnancy hormones make a difficult situation 10 times harder. Take it one day at a time. Sounds like they are doing really well. Those are big steps they've made already.Take care of yourself and in no time it will be a distant memory and you will have them home with you. My boys are almost 3 and doing great today!

[DoubleDuty]

Thanks for the kind words (and words of wisdom!).

My babies have been transferred to the NICU intermediate nursery- apparently this is a good thing. This was last night and I found out this a.m. So I haven't been able to visit yet.

They are off the O2, keeing their temp up, and no apnea issues for a day or so. All they have is the feeding tubes :)

YAY!

:clap:
That's great!
Keep us posted!

It's usually fast once they graduate from the NICU to the next nursery (we had the CCN, Continuing Care Nursery). It was only 25 days in the CCN... hopefully it will be quick for you too!

[Namsire]

I had many of the same feelings you've had. My boys were 25 weekers, and the NICU journey seemed endless, but you will get through it. Sounds like your babies are doing great! I remember how hard it was to grasp that these were actually my babies. I used to stand by their incubators and stare at them while I reminding myself that yes, these babies were MINE. It was 9 days, before I could hold one of them, and another two weeks before I could hold the other one. My arms and heart simply ached for them. Holding them (Kangaroo Care) was the best medicine and therapy for us all. I highly recommend it!! Ask your nurse if you can kangaroo them TOGETHER. That was, and still is, one of my favorite moments as a mom. I missed getting to hold them together right after they were born, like you always imagine yourself doing. So getting a chance to kangaroo them together on my chest (at five weeks old) was simply awesome. A bomb could have dropped right next to me and I wouldn't have known. Ask your nurse if you can try it if they're stable enough.

Another piece of advice is to find a "primary" nurse for each baby. Basically, you find a nurse you like, and ask them if they would serve as your child's primary nurse. The charge nurse can tell you more about it, too. The primaries would always be assigned to your specific babies on the days they work. They really get to know your babies, and the family as well. It was most helpful, and I still have a relationship with one of our primary nurses today, almost four years later.

Glad to hear your babies are doing well. Hope they are home with you soon. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! Congrats Momma! And love to your sweet babies!

[sungoddess119]

First I just wanna say congrats on the birth of your little ones!!

I know how you are feeling. My boys were born at 32 weeks and spent 32 days in NICU. It was soooo hard on me at first. I remember when I was discharged from the hospital and having to leave my babies behind. I sat in the parking lot and bawled my eyes out. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. But day by day it did get better. Getting to see them slowly graduate out of their isolettes, tube feedings, etc. was great. I too was worried about not being able to bond. But I did kangaroo care, breastfed, and changed diapers, clothes, etc. Anything I could do to be close to them. I would also bring pictures of home to post in their isolettes and stories to read to them. I think any opportunity you have to let them here your voice or feel your touch is a great way to bond.

Congrats again and keep your head up!! It will be over before you know it and you'll be able to bring those little babies home!!

[northerntwins]

It was a year ago today that my babies were born and we were suddenly introduced to the NICU world. Even though my husband and I are medical professionals it was still strange for us. I think I cried everyday that they were in the NICU. Even on the good days I would still cry. I think crying is perfectly normal. I had hoped that they would be home for christmas and when they were not I cried and cried and cried. In fact I still tear up when I think about last christmas. They ended up coming home December 27th. They liked to do things in their own time and still do.

As for bonding, It took me a little while to really bond with my girls but it comes day by day. It sounds like your babies are doing well. Hang in there someday this will all just be a memory.