How do you discipline your children in public?

[NutMeg]

My Mom's answer was that she never took us anywhere! LOL! Seriously, I do take them with me everyhere, running errands, grocery shopping, etc. They are a little over 3 y/o and they do not behave at all. They talk loudly, scream sometimes, hit/fight, whine, etc, etc, etc. My ds even SPIT at someone the other day, and yes, I was completely mortified! IF I were buying them something or some kind of treat I do take it away. When I am not getting them something and they just need to LISTEN and be quiet, and behave then how do I get them to do that short of bribing them? I just seem to threaten alot and I guess they know it. Any help would be appreciated! I don't want to take them anywhere! I always end up getting stares and feeling like the worst Mom ever. Please tell me how you deal with naughty behavior when you are out. Thanks!

[maryjane]

I have a talk with them before we leave the house and make it clear that bad behavior won't be tolerated. I tell them exactly what I expect of them. Then I follow it by promising a reward if they do as I ask. Nothing big just maybe an extra 10 minutes at the park or something. They don't know what 10 minutes is so to them it sounds like a lifetime. Then if they misbehave I give them one warning then we leave. After you leave and go home a couple times they get the idea.

[NutMeg]

We do go over "the rules" before we leave the car. That lasts about 5 minutes. I guess I am always thinking, "I only need to get 2 or 3 more things before we go," so I try to get everything done fast before it gets too bad. Also, isn't that what they want sometimes, to NOT be running errands with Mommy and to leave the store? Mine probably want to be out and about most of the time, but I am thinking of maybe when they get older. I guess I need to try the leaving thing.....thanks...

[Mom of 5]

I try to do the same things I do at home. But very quietly. It seems like everyone is looking when kids misbehave. Your parenting skills, it feels like, are on display for the srutiny of all, especially in stores.

If they are loud, I try to be as quiet as I can when talking to them about it. Everyone knows that kids will be kids. IMO their voyeurism is rooted in curiousity to see how you will handlle the situation. Not making eye contact with your critics also will do wonders for a mom-on-the-spot's perception of the whole situation.

I have also found it helps to talk to them about the purpose of our errands. First we are going to go here to get X, then go there and drop off Y, and explain, quietly, each thing, (i.e. "He is putting a sticker on the box to mail to Aunt Mary." "We can pick out a nice carton of eggs for breakfast." "You can carry Bob's book and give it to the secretary." to keep them focused instead of fighting.

Sometimes, no matter what, they will fight and misbehave. I agree with Maryjane that it's time to leave when things get really out of hand. Then in the car, tell them, "I don't like it that you spit in the store. That was rude. We will not go to the playground right now. We are going home." Stern, but not yelling.

[maryjane]

Once the kids are older they know to behave. They grow out of the craziness they get into as toddlers and preschoolers. And my kids also know that leaving means they'll get punished when they get home so that's the last thing they want.

[NutMeg]

Thanks Beth for your reply! Maryjane, what sort of punishments do you give them when you get home?

[maryjane]

Usually, no computer, no tv or something like that. I usually take away something precious to them. If they are really young then punishment isn't really something I give at home. They don't grasp delayed punishment. Usually leaving is enough. But really, my preschoolers are the worst if there is any misbehaving but then again my 2 year old is expected to do certain things. Like you can't go to a restaurant and sit and eat for an hour and a half and expect a 2 year old to sit still and be quiet the entire time. I think my biggest peeve nowadays is going somewhere and they all have to use the bathroom at the worst possible time. Such as right when the food comes or after you've filled your buggy and are waiting in line to check out. I want to strangle them at those times especially since we do bathroom call before we leave the house and as soon as we arrive somewhere.

[mylittlelovebugs]

....... Then if they misbehave I give them one warning then we leave. After you leave and go home a couple times they get the idea.
Exactly what I was going to say!
;)