another quick rant/vent

[twofourone]

ok it is 2 am and i have another quick rant/vent as the boys will be up to feed in an hour or two...time to make the dougnuts!!

I think I have anxiety issues...blah...I am pretty sure I have allways had them but i think that pregnancy/postpartum hormones just make it to a point where it hurts me instead of help me!! I generally thrive off of stress but It seams to consume me latley!!

I can handle the stress of the boys and the dogs and for the most part my husband...alltough I can only take a few more days of his addiction to his new video game...before I walk in there and break the game in half :snicker:

However I can't handle the stress of having the rest of our familes in our lives...Don't get me wrong I love most of my family....but I don't love to have them around me or with me I love short infrequent visits and didn't epect for some reason for that to change...boy was i wrong...They say such hurtful things and I try and be poliet about it (your house stinks, we hate your husband....etc. etc) but then i go home and stew over things to the point of exhaustion as i can't sleep cause my mind is racing and i am tired but I can't let thing go...I don't want to be with any of them because I worry about what they will say next or do I get to the point where I get so stressed out that when we are there I get all sweaty i get headaches and I feel sick...i try and be nice as I am not confrontational and try and be nicer than they are to me...but I do get snappy when I have hit my limit.

I am still consumed with issuse that came up while i was pregnant that occured with my M and my MIL. Some of it is major stuff and some of it is little stuff that gets compounded with the bigger stuff and just works at me...Like my MIL saying she will have to go out and buy one of the babies a football cause he looked like he wants to play foot ball...really do we need to push sports on them at 3 months?? She knows that I don't want to push sports on them unless they want to play...just like she knew that i didn't want Noah's ark stuff yet that is all she bought!!!

Anyways I have seen my MIL at least every two weeks since the abies were born which is way more than my stress level can handle...then you throw in my family and a husband that does not get it and the stress of keeping the babies away from RSV risks and limit overstimulation when no one seams to give a hoot, and I am over my limit...I tried to tell people how they made me feel and be more open...that just made it all worse...they aren't the type of people who can take honesty as much as they can dish it out...

anyways long story short...I have tried to manage it on my own I really didn't want to go on any medication or what not as I am still breastfeeding...But I don't think I am strong enough to deal with them all and still function...I love my boys but everyone around me sucks the fun out of having them...we have the baptism comming up soon and I coudl care less becuase I know that they are all going to be in the same room.

Anyways I just needed to vent and get that off of my chest...hopfully i can get an appt this week and get on somes meds or somthing..until then I will just have to vent away on this board...thanks for bearing with me!

[Bookworm]

There are meds you can take while breastfeeding, that will take the edge of things for you. Sorry you're having such a rough time :(

[zoogrammie]

Hey girl, sorry you are dealing with all the crud that comes with families sometimes. I sooo hear you, and understand, I think we all have those moments, and for some of us, those moments turn into hours, days, weeks, ....
I took Paxil the entire time I was nursing Olivia. I would have killed someone or myself if I didn't. I looked at it this way. I cant control others nor medicate them to behave the way I would like for them too. So since I can't do it all on my own, I need to medicate myself so I can continue to deal with all the idiots in my life and stay out of jail :). Granted, sometimes even the meds aren't enough. Do you have insurance that would cover some counseling, if that is something you would be comfortable with? I loved going to counseling, when I had insurance/money to go.
One of the most important things I learned while in college to be a social worker, is the power of self talk. I know it can sounds nuts, but it truly truly works. Just like you are letting the neg self talk keep you stressed out and awake and upset, you can train yourself to use positive self talk to help alleviate alot of that. Just a thought to help you out, and you also know you can pm me anytime. :) grandma jodie

[twofourone]

I started Zoloft today so here is wishing me luck...we will see how I feel in the next few weeks. My OB has anxiety as well so she was very helpful and understanding. It was very reassuring and nice to hear it from her she is a wonderful soul...just like all you ladies!!!

So I got home and popped one right away no time the like present..hopefully it will take the edge off even a little bit so I can make it through the baptism...big stressor...all of them in the SAME ROOM!!

[twofourone]

Our insurance is crap this year...causes me lots of stress...it is some high dedeductable plan.. .I hate it.. so It is covered but we have to pay for it...dumb...Until we reach a certian point...which won't take long...expecially since D should be getting his hearing aid soon!! YEAH and i really hate counseling...no offense just had some depression in HS and had a consoluer that made the whole thing worse not better...I just have a hard time with consuling but woudl do it if needed...just trying to not get to that point.

But i agree being positive has gotten me this far, but it can only get you so far when you are surounded by negative people.


deep breath!!!