Single moms

[twoinoven]

Just wondering if there is anyone out there who either went through the pregnancy alone, or raised their twins alone. My husband and I are separated almost two months now and I don't have much hope that he will be around.
I am 22weeks with b/g twins and just got put on bedrest last Saturday, I have a son, almost 5 years old. Have some great girlfriends and a church who are helping me out with the bedrest thing.
Buuuuut, any advice????

[Sherrie]

Hi. I'm a single mother of 21-month-old twin daughters. Their father and I split up soon after I found out I was pregnant (before I knew they were twins). He pays support regularly but has absolutely no involvement with the girls.

First, it's great you have faith and a support system. Both will come in really, really, really handy in the near future. All I can suggest is to take one day at a time (or one minute at a time), etc., take whatever help people offer, especially in the first few months. Also, I would suggest you become one of those obnoxiously rigid people who have their children on a very predictable schedule. Your only hope of getting any sleep once the babies are born is if they are sleeping at the same time, which usually means they must eat at the same time, which means they'll need changed around the same time, etc.

Feel free to e-mail me any time. sas273@yaoo.com

Sherrie
Aubrey and Alyssa 01-03-02

[twoinoven]

Sherrie,
Thanks for responding. I was so chicken to start this thread, everyone else seems to have wonderful, supportive husbands on this site. I thought for sure no one would relate.
Does your family live close? Mine are all out of state. Who did you have at your birth and how did it go?
I left my first husband the first time he hit me, our son was 11 mos at the time so I have been a single mom before. My current husband I only knew for six weeks and we married, THEN I got to know him...

[Sherrie]

I'm fortunate that my parents and younger brothers live about 30 minutes south of me and my sister lives about 40 minutes north of me. They were absolutely invaluable in the moral support department. Of course, they have their own families and jobs, etc., so they couldn't actually come over as often as everyone would have liked. Still, my parents took the girls overnight once when they were 2 months old. And since they have slept through the night (about 3-4 months), about once every couple of months, either my parents or my sister will take the girls overnight. One of my brothers ex-girlfriends (she was 17 when the girls were born, 19 now) is great with the girls and is my babysitter when I need one. Of course, I have to pay her so I can only use this option when I really need a sitter. I work from home so I don't use child care for work.

As far as the deliver, that went rather smoothly and quickly. Woke with a painful contraction about 5:15 on the morning of 01/03/02 and had Alyssa at 7:55 and Aubrey at 7:57, vaginally. They weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces and 5 pounds 11 ounces, respectively. Aubrey was breech but they knew that beforehand so they turned her around after Alyssa was born.

[twoinoven]

Sherrie,
Did they turn Aubrey externally? Or internally? My girl was breech but is head down now but I know that can change.
I tried to email you, but your link says 'yaoo', should that be 'yahoo'?

[Sherrie]

About my e-mail address, yes, it's supposed to be yahoo. (Hard to believe I type for a living, isn't it? LOL) sas273@yahoo.com

Regarding Aubrey, they turned her internally. Basically, after Alyssa was born, the doctor reached in and turned her. They did it that way because of the position of the umbilical cord. If they tried to push her around from the outside, they couldn't be sure that the cord wouldn't end up around her neck. Aubrey had been breech for all four of my ultrasounds, so I was 100% prepared for how things were going to happen.

Also, I forgot to answer one of your questions before. My sister was with me for the birth of the girls.

[twoinoven]

I asked my doc once if he felt comfortable turning the second baby internally if need be, one was breech then, both head down now. The doc said yes, but I looked at his hands and they are HUGE! I told him maybe he could let one of the midwives with smaller hands do it!
My best friend wants to be at the birth, and my other friend too. The way things are going with my husband, I don't want him to be there. His sister was going to birth coach me, but now I have a doula. I think I would be uncomfortable with his sister there considering how awkward things feel.

[twoinoven]

Just putting this thread back up to the top so any others who might have something to add can see it.
I just went through the cerclage procedure and overnight in the hospital alone. I think this was when it really hit me that my husband is not here for me. The nurses asked in the recovery room if I had anyone waiting in the waiting room for me. I had to answer no. What a lonely feeling that is.
My friends are getting overburdened with trying to help so much so I have to work on lining up some other helpers. Whew, I know these babies are worth every second of worry, I just hope the stress doesn't hurt them.
I found out today my van needed brakes and was unsafe to drive, since my friend who helps me out has no car she was using it. We were going to just park it since I have no money right now, but when she went to pick it up the garage owner told her he and his mechanic decided to give me a set of brake pads and install them for free. He said Merry Christmas!
God is watching I guess. It made me cry.

[MichMom]

twoinoven - what a wonderful story regarding your brakes. It's so nice to be reminded that there are wonderfully kind people in this world still.

I pray for strength for you. You are doing a great job!

[twoinoven]

Michmom, Thanks for your encouragement and prayers!

[mindybar]

twoinoven, the brake story made me cry, too ... you seem so positive, and sounds like you do have some good girlfriends.

stay strong --- i am inspired by you.

[mindybar]

sherrie, didn't mean to post without saying hello to you (i know twoinoven from the cerclage and bedrest boards) ... my best luck to you and all the single moms out there!

[twoinoven]

Mindy, thanks for the encouragement, I don't FEEL strong, but I think something has kicked in that is on this path to do what is best for the babies and has kind of numbed me to my surrounding circumstances. Just plugging along, with that 30 week first goal, and of course, on bedrest there is plenty of time to make phone calls trying to access all the resources this community has to offer!

[canadianmiss]

Hi there,

Just wanted to add..check out your local mothers of multiples clubs..great way to find support and make some new friends..also the information is so valuable! There were about 6 or 7 pregnant women at our last meeting.

Good luck to you..

Melissa
Jack & Finn ~ July 1, 2003

[twoinoven]

Melissa,
You are so right about the twins club, I joined our local parents of multiples club as soon as I found out. Now they are making me their first community outreach project as I am on bedrest. They have been supportive and apparantly about to be more so! I wish I didn't have to miss meetings now, they were fun and informative, but I will do what I must to keep these two inside as long as possible!

[mommyplus2]

i sent you an email, but thought that i would bump this thread up. The brake story brought tears to my eyes. i think if i were still pregnant, i'd be balling because of the hormones..LOL. God blessed you with two babies. He doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I am grateful for the babies, but often wonder if things could have been different between their father and I. He decided to enlist in the army in August. He really wasn't there for me at all through the pregnancy. Even tried denying that the babies were his. I'm surprised that I lasted till 34 weeks with all the stress. I had alot of that in the beginning. Long story as to why, but I'm truly blessed that I didn't lose one or both of the babies. That's how much stress he put me through. You give me hope for a better tomorrow. Your strength is amazing. you remind me so much of my mom. Lets just say I saw alot growing up with my dad abusing my mom. Not fun times as a little girl. You're children dont need their father. You can give them all the love in the world. Enough for 2 parents and more! Stay in touch hun! I'd love to chat more. :)

[twoinoven]

Rachel, I emailed you too, but I thought I'd post an update here.
I met another single mom by posting a thread on the 'what's bugging you?' forum too. SHerrie, sorry I haven't written in awhile, YOu know how it gets! I would think with being on bedrest I would have tons of time, but it is amazing how little I seem to have! with making phone calls trying to arrange transportation for son to his dad's visits and for me to doc visits and midwife appts! The good thing is the time is going by pretty fast. I will be 28 weeks this week and that makes me feel better. Our hospital is equipped to care for the babes from 28 weeks on so they wouldn't have to go to Denver, but I still don't want them to come soon!
I have been having occasional BH contrax, not more that about 4 an hour, and not all day long, so I think it's normal, No change in anything else. Last u/s measurement of cervix showed a little shortening and funneling, but that I think is because I was sneaking in a little more activity. Nothing fun mind you, just chores. But I cut that out again.
The transmission on my van is getting really bad again, so I don't know what to do about that. I may get it checked and get a prognosis, but it has 222,000 miles on it sooo... But I can't afford anything now. I don't think the van (Spot) will ever be reliable again. JUst too many miles on him.
Well that's whats new here, husband was not returning emails or phone calls for three weeks and I finally called his sister and she must have called him because then I got a two sentance email that he used the last of his money to send off my mortgage payment. He is not working now so I don't know about december. Then he had the nerve to say he missed us. What a crock. Not communicating at all, and the marriage counselor said he had given him a ton of 'homework' to do for the marriage, geared at improving communication, but he has done none of it.
Counselor said he has trouble being in the role of a provider. The more I think about it the madder I get. What business did he have being on a Christian internet dating website saying he wanted a relationship? NONE. And he kept telling me he wanted to provide for my son and me, wanted me to be able to stay at home and home school any children God blessed us with. What the ?
Tell you what though, I have learned a huge lesson thanks to him, and I am still very happy about these babies coming.