My story...

[shannonstar81]

I haven't had a chance to tell you guys the birth of my girls. To be honest it was hard coming back to this site since one of my babies didn't make it and I no longer have twins.

My pregnancy was perfect until I was 24 weeks pregnant and went into labor. I was diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion syndrom and ended up getting really sick. We had to deliver my babies to save all of us. Madison Marie was born at 1lb 3 oz while Kaitlyn Star was 1 lb 6 oz. Madison was so tiny and on her second day of life we were asked to take her off support. We knew she had given all she had to stay alive and couldn't hang on anymore. We were able to hold her for awhile until her heart stopped beating. For 2 hours we held her and told her how muched we loved her. What do you say to your baby girl to tell her everything you would've said in a life time? How do you let her know how proud you are of her to tell her how much you wanted to give her in life. That was one of the worst days of my life. The other worst day was the day our other daughter, Kaitlyn, got sick. Her lungs were being damaged by the respirator and she wasn't suppossed to make it through the night. What was I going to do if I lost her too? I can't begin to describe the heart ache and pain I felt everytime I looked at her. My husband and I refused to give up and we believed that she was strong enough to pull through. We had faith that God wouldn't take her too. For one whole month we lived at the hospital and kept telling Doctor's we wanted to keep her alive. They hadn't seen a baby as sick as Kaitlyn in since the late 70's when certian drugs had come out to help babies breathe. We still believed in her. They wanted to do surgey to remove part of her right lung. They hadn't done this in 25 years and would have to consult with Doctor's around the world. Miraculously, Kaitlyn recovered overnight. They still say today that she is the biggest miracle they have evr seen. And now we will get to take her home. She now weighs 3 lbs 3oz and is doing great. This experience was enough to make me insane. By the grace of God I am here and so is my baby girl. I still have tears when I think about not having my twins and how we couldn't have Madison. Having to say goodbye was so hard. Losing a child that way is the hardest thing in the world.

I would like to thank everyone who showed their support and prayed for us. It's the prayers that got us through.

[OKwith3]

I am so sorry to hear about Madison. It breaks my heart, but I am glad to hear that you still have one beautiful miracle.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it must have been very difficult for you to come back, but I really appreciate it, as will all the others here, I'm sure.

I wouldn't say that you no longer have twins. It's just that one of them isn't living with you any more. She is waiting for you in heaven. Her sister has a special angel by her side forever.

God bless you! You've been through so much. HUGS!

[nancyp]

What a story -- thanks for sharing it tho I'm sure it was very difficult for you to put it all down. I'm so glad Kaitlyn is doing well. I hope it goes w/o saying that we hope you stay here and stay in touch and that, like Jennifer said, you shouldn't feel like you don't have twins.

[oneplusII]

Oh Shannon. As I read your story I have tears in my eyes. I can't even imagine what you must have went through. I am so sorry that Madison went "home" to be with the Lord too soon. I don't understand why these things happen. I wish I had an answer.

What a miracle that Kaitlyn's lungs were better and she didn't require surgery. Praise God! And she will be coming home too? She will always have her guardian angel looking after her you know?

You seem like a very strong person. No one should have to experience the pain and loss that you have experienced. Also, remember you are a mother of twins. You delivered two precious babies. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please keep us posted on Kaitlyn.

[reneeh]

Shannon - I have tears in my eyes. I am so sorry for the loss of Madison. How torn you must feel - joy at the miraculous recovery of Kaitlyn and sorrow over the loss of Madison. You will always be a Mommy to twins.

I have a book recommendation - that you may be interested in someday - Baby Angels. It's in my daughter's room and I don't remember the author. But, I read it my children and we have named several of the baby angels in there (one of them is my daughter, Annelise, who was born at 22 weeks). It provides comfort to me, and the pictures are beautiful.

You'll continue to be in my prayers for a long, long time. What a difficult step you took by coming back to this site and posting your story. Thank you for sharing.

Renee

[Anne7476]

Shannon I'm so glad you decided to post once again. Being one of the Grandmas here, I have truely thought of you often. I know like everyone said it was hard for you, please give you little one a hug and kiss for us all, and yes, you will always be a Mommy to twins. God bless your family.

[Yuvals'Mother]

Hi Shannon,

we used to talk in the chat-room you have created for the August moms... I have been waiting to read your story eversince we learned of the news...

I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you and your family health and strength.

You are a very strong woman to go through what you have been through. Hang in there.

Will keep thinking of you, and wish you all the best and a fast return home.

Moran

[Catherine]

Shannon, your story has truly touched my heart. I am in tears as I think of your loss & grief. My condolences to you & your family. I am so relieved to hear that your dd made it & will soon be coming home.

Catherine

[monica]

Hi Shannon,

I was so so sad when I read about the loss of your daughter.

I've been following your story, and didn't realize until now that your girls had TTTS. I highly recommend you visit the TTTS website, www.tttsfoundation.org . There is a special forum for people who have lost one or both babies to this devastating disease. My girls had TTTS, and thankfully, they were able to hold out until they could be born at 28 weeks, and both have survived. The TTTS foundation is incredibly supportive, and the people there have been through it all. They will understand what you're feeling.

I have an Aunt who lost one of her twins at birth, and she shared this phrase with me. :

"In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth, then God blessed us with twins ~ One in Heaven and one on Earth" ..

Keep that in mind, she's still with you, just not physically.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and at the same time, so happy that you've got Kaitlyn coming home soon. Hopefully time will help :( .

I've been through TTTS, and prematurity. If there is anything, anything that I can possible do, please email me. Even if it's just to talk, or to rant (we all have those moments), I'll be glad to do what I can.

In the meantime, congratulations on bringing Kaitlyn home..It will be bittersweet..hopefully more sweet than bitter.

[sullytwinboys]

Shannon,

Congratulations on the birth of your babies. I am so sorry that God decided to take one from you.

You will always be a mom of twins. You carried them and you delivered them. Unfortunately, you had to experience the loss of one also.

I am truly sorry for all the pain and heartache that you are feeling.

Thank you for sharing your story. Its stories like this that put life in perspective and make you appreciate what you have.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Momma to 3 Wonderful Boys]

Shannon, I am so sorry about Madison. I can't imagine what you and Jeremy have gone through. I'm so glad that Kaitlyn is doing well and will be coming home. What a miracle that she recovered when things were not looking good. I'm really glad you came back here and hope that you continue to check in when you feel you can. There are so many people thinking of your entire family.

[Jane]

Shannon, you are and always will be a Mom of twins. I am so sorry for your loss, but happy to hear Kaitlyn is coming along well.

[Mom2BoyGirlTwins]

I am so sorry for your loss, but atleast you have your baby. You will always be a mom of twins and will always be welcome here. I dont know the pain that you are going through and I am sure that it will take a long time to go away but I will pray that God will comfort you.

[HopeNFaith]

Shannon,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what it must be like. I hope that both God and Kaitlyn will bring you comfort. I'll be praying for your family.

Maria

[momof2greatkids]

I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it feels. I cried when I read your story. May God bless you and keep you strong. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I wil pray for her and your family.


God Bless You,

Lora

[Laurie13]

I agree you will always be a mom of twins....hug that little sweetheart and can't wait for the news that she is home with you. Hang in there.

[mamabear]

Shannon I cried so hard and still have tears in my eyes 5 hrs later from the whole story. Tears of sadness tears of joy. Sadness that you lost poor little Madison, tears of joy that Kaitlyn is doing such a meracouls(sp?) job at getting better. I m so glad you came back. I hope we can give you support you so desperatly need. As irt has been said many time in here. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A MOTHER OF TWINS. We all pray for you. I pray every second I have. Stay strong. Keep us informed if you can. we are all here for you

[babybuddha]

Dear Shannon,
We are so truly sorry to hear of your lose and the heartache that you and your family are suffering.
I am absolutely certain that your little angel, Madison, came to save her sister Kaitlyn and thereby kept you from suffering more unimaginable pain.
Your strength is giving me inspiration to keep my chin up when things are down, as your suffering and ability to share with all of us your heartache is remarkable.
Thank you
Naomi

[momoffour]

Dear Shannon, I'm so glad you posted again. Its been awhile since I came to this board, so I did a search to find you actually. I was wondering how everything was going. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I truly can't imagine what you must have gone, and be going through. Remember God always gives us the strength to endure what we think we cannot. My prayers are with you and your family. You are such a strong woman, and you will ALWAYS be a mom of twins

[DJ jenkins]

Ohh shannon I am at work crying that is a heart wrenching story. But as many other mothers have said don't think of yourself as no longer having twins. You will always and forever be a mother of twins regardless if one of them is now a guardian angel for her precious sister.
I am so glad to hear that Kaitlynn is recovering and that you will have her home with you and your dh.

[purplefrog]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Madison will always be a part of you and your family. Kaitlyn is a miracle, I am so glad she will be coming home with you soon. God Bless,